Rival church factions argue about who gets to carry losing doll in a rigged race

(Scranton Times)

JESSUP — It’s long been an annual rite of spring steeped in Italian-American tradition. Teams of men, both young and old, race through the borough’s streets with saintly statues of their heritage held aloft. But this year the competition has begun months before the annual Race of the Saints takes place.

A rivalry between two groups has degenerated into a growing schism involving supporters of St. Anthony.

Both groups — the Brotherhood of St. Anthony and the Family of St. Anthony — claim the right to carry the statue of their patron saint during the May 23 race between statues of St. Ubaldo, St. George and St. Anthony.

The big question: What will happen if two teams show up to carry St. Anthony?

“It’s going to be a problem,” said Mark Mariani, president of the St. Ubaldo Society, which is the governing body of the event. It voted unanimously last summer to recognize the Family of St. Anthony, not the Brotherhood of St. Anthony.

...
So basically, there's a rigged race in honor of St. Ubaldo, the patron saint of Gubbio, Italy being run in a little town in Pennsylvania. And two different organizations, ahem "Italian-American gentleman's clubs" are arguing over who gets to carry St. Antny Anthony, who will lose because he's always lost because the race is as legit as pro wrestling.

You can read the story if you want, but the real humor comes from the comments section under the story.

Ted wrote on Feb 18, 2009 9:17 AM:
" If you sue your neighbor over the right to carry a doll up and down the streets of your town...you may be a redneck. "

Martini wrote on Feb 18, 2009 9:43 AM:
" Leave the Saint. Take the cannoli. "

Vito C wrote on Feb 18, 2009 1:25 PM:
" All I know is that someone going to wake up and find the head of a statue in their bed. "