Oh irony, you magnificent bastard!

By BCAB Chief Ironies Delighter-Inner Elvis Hussein Dingeldein.

I’m no kind of religious person. I think The Bible® is HIGH-larious family fun, if you live in the Third Century and list “punching women in the uterus” and “the stonings” as favorite hobbies. And I loathe nothing more than Teabagging Christian Wingnuts trying to force their bullshit Hobbit stories on us Nones, the ones who like our Democracy Jesus™-free the way The Founders explicitly set us up by Oh-So-Purposefully nixing the words “God” and “Jesus” from the Constitution.

Having said that, I’ll get down on my knees and start praying to any Angry Magical Cloud-Lord who will listen if this actually pans out when McDonald v City of Chicago hits a Supreme Court near you:

A finding that the Second Amendment protects individuals’ right to own a gun could therefore have the unexpected outcome of also providing more solid ground for recognition of the right to abortion, to sexual privacy, to gay marriage, and to a wide variety of other rights that conservative justices on the court and “originalist” constitutional scholars have long opposed.

Oh, please Flying Spaghetti Monster! Oh, I beseech thee, Freakishly Disneyesque Indian Elephant God! Let me rub thy fat, fat belly with oils, Buddha You Fat Bastard! I shall tithe what little I have left after paying for healthcare and two bullshit wars, O Mangar-kunjer-kunja, whatever the fuck you were! Just let this be so!

Honestly, I will have an ironygasm and take a month off from work to do nothing but drive around Republican neighborhoods pointing and laughing and possibly waving my genitals at AARP members if this happens. Finally a SCOTUS case we can all believe in, as long as it swings our way. With our Activist Judges and whatnot.

Update: Redmond and I are discussing the social consequences of this conundrum, and he points out that while we get our Gay Marryings and Abortitudes, the Right gets more unfettered gun-totage. So we should expect more gay couples being shot at during their wedding festivities and abortion doctors might want to invest in Kevlar underpants.

Update II: The Sequel : Abortion doctors may just want to go ahead and invest in that Kevlar underpants now, really.